What If You Couldn’t Be Strong?

What if I couldn’t be strong? I’ve always wondered if that was an option for me. As a husband, father, and provider, what if life got so hard that I needed to stop. What if I failed? Nothing scares me more than having to look at my wife and children in their eyes knowing I let them down, knowing that the person they’re looking to for hope and a better life might not be able to do it.

Everyone has a point in their life when they get weak, that doesn’t mean they are weak, it just means that in that moment they need support. They need someone to help them move forward, they need someone to hold them and tell them that everything is going to be alright.

As a man nothing has helped me grow stronger in life that not being afraid to let the people I love know when I’m weak. Nothing has helped me feel more brave than knowing that I don’t have to suffer alone. Nothing has helped me smile more than knowing that it’s ok for me to cry without being judged or looked down on.

One thing I’ve learned is that no matter how strong you are there are some things in life you just can’t prepare for. There will come points in our lives when it feels like everything is going wrong. In those moments it’s the people we surround ourselves with that makes the difference.

Marriage has taught me that when you’re lost even one person standing by your side can help you find yourself again. Whether it’s your partner, your friend, or a relative it’s their love that helps heal the pain. It’s their love that reminds you that you will always find someone to help when you need it most. When you have those people hold on to them and never let them go, because with them in your life you will always have a source strength.

This post is dedicated to my wife, thank you for letting me cry when I needed to, I’m not afraid anymore.

How My Wife Found Strength

When we travelled to the US it was the first time my wife had lived abroad. There’s a famous saying “Being thrown in the deep end”, this means that if you are new to something you start at the hardest part, you get no practice or warm up time. She was thrown into the deepest part of the deep end, living in a new country for the first time, raising two kids, figuring out her own life and trying to help me figure out mine.

The picture you see was taken after living in the US for a year, in the background is the beach we used to visit on the Pacifica highway every Saturday. It was an about an hour drive from our home, we loved it and we couldn’t imagine ending our week without spending a few hours there.

As I took the picture I realized how much she had grown, as a person, as a mother, and as my wife. I realized how she walked differently, talked differently, acted differently because of all she had gone through. I realized how much she had done for us, and all she had given up to make us happy. She was thrown in the deep end and figured out a way to swim.

When we first got the US she had to build up the courage to go to the Starbucks 30 seconds from our house. By the time we left the US she have travelled alone cross country, she was taking 3 hour driving trips to different parts of California with friends she had made in University, she was taking classes and being an active member of the community.

Now we are back in the UAE, she has started a business, she is a full time student and she makes the lives or my children and I beautiful.

Remember that even when you’re at your weakest, when you feel lost and don’t know what’s going on, that’s when you dig down deep inside and come to realize your greatest strengths, that’s when you realize that you’re capable of doing amazing things regardless of where you are or how hard things may seem. Simply have faith in yourself, faith that you will keep going because defeat is not an option, and watch how far you come.

How To Find Happiness In The Happiness Of Others

I remember there was a show on the streets of San Francisco, my son Khalifa walking beside me couldn’t see past all the people who had formed lines around the show, but he could hear the music.

He asked me to put him on my shoulders so he could take a look. As we got closer I could only see the backs of the people in front of me, but Khalifa could see everything, the dancing, the actions, and the stunts they were performing. He laughed, clapped, and kept telling me to look. I could still see nothing, so I just kept laughing and clapping along with him.

It’s funny how we grow up wanting to see the world and try everything in the hopes that with each experience we become happier, that our lives will become richer. As time has passed in my life I have come to learn that my world, what makes my life special, has come down to a few people in my life that I can bring joy to.

We all deal with hardships in our lives, we’ve all had our heart broken at one point or the other, life isn’t easy, but one thing I know for sure is bringing happiness into someone else’s life is the greatest power you can have in this world, and the greatest power to help whatever it is you are going through.

It reminds you that your true purpose in life is to love, to love with all your heart, to love the work you do, to love the life you have been given, and to love the people who bring joy to your life.

When you look back on your life the memories that will mean the most aren’t when you were smiling at something, but when someone was smiling at you because you made their moment better, because you gave them your love.

I’m glad to say that the only memory I have of that day is the happiness Khalifa experienced, but that is the only memory I need, the only memory I could ever ask for, and I’m a better man today because of it.

What Love Looks Like

There’s always something we feel insecure about, something that makes us feel different from everybody else. We know this because people are quick to look at it or point it out to us.

For me as a child it was being the Arab kid with the blonde hair, “Why is your hair yellow if you’re Arab?” The thing with those type of questions is you can’t really answer them with anything other than “It’s who I am, it’s how God made me”

You know people always say that what’s different about you is what makes you beautiful, and I’m a big believer in that. However that’s hard to accept sometimes, especially when everyone else says otherwise. It takes a lot of courage to believe in your heart that you are beautiful just the way you are.

What I have also found is that having one person in your life to remind you of that makes all the difference. Someone who can see the things that make you feel insecure, look into your eyes, and fall deeper and deeper in love with you.

A relationship grows stronger by understanding the things that make each of you beautiful, a beauty much deeper than what they see on the outside, to the acts of love. How they wait up for you at night, how they only enjoy a meal when it’s with you, how all the need is to see you smile to know that everything is going to be alright.

Never forget that real love is an action, and through those actions you make each other better, you forget everything that feels wrong with you because when you are together everything feels right. A love that only sees the depth of your heart is what makes all the difference, because that is a love that lasts.

The Importance Of All The Little Things In Life

When we look back on the journey we’ve taken in our lives and think back to all the special moments, what will we truly remember? It probably won’t be one big moment that you’ll keep coming back to, but an endless flow of little memories that summed up your life. Let’s take a closer look.

Your Relationships

When you think about the best moments you’ve had with the people you love it’s rarely the moments with something out of this world happening. What really sticks are all the moments of simplicity, the walk on the beach, the picnic in the park, the random “I Love You” text when you were at work. These little moments of togetherness don’t simply add up, they multiply, build on each other, and create a constant flow of love in your lives.

Your Calling

The famous saying goes “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra”. Notice how they mention “little” before extra, because that holds true. It’s the person that wakes up a little earlier to work on their craft who finds excellence, that exercises a little more who finds good health, or that works a little harder who creates opportunities. Every day is a chance, do that little extra.

Your Moments

When we have done everything we set out to do all we are our memories of it all. These days there are so many things to distract us from creating special moments in our lives. Your kids begging for your attention to show you something new they learnt but your favorite show is on, choosing the 5 inch screen of your phone instead of the endless sights of nature, staring at the TV instead of your partners eyes.Every decision you make is creating the history you will look back on, stay present, make them count.

It’s with the little steps that the dreams we have start to come true in our lives and the lives of those we love. A beautiful palace is built with thousands of little bricks, and as such your beautiful life will be created with the thousands of beautiful moments you create.

How To Find Strength When You’re Weak

As we were having lunch at a restaurant one afternoon our youngest son Abdullah starting asking his mom for a “Kissy”. His mother was more than happy to oblige, giving him a kiss on his nose that always made him laugh as he made a face that looked like he was sucking on a lemon.

After he got the kiss he just looked back down at his plate and continued eating. I love the randomness of the situation and how our son didn’t hesitate for a second to ask his mother for love. I’m sure many parents and adults can relate to this situation with kids. I’m not sure if our son was upset, hungry or just needed some affection, but does it matter? In the end love was expressed and everyone felt better because of it.

As we grow up we aren’t so random with our emotional requests, we slowly start to filter our emotions and not necessarily say what we feel or why we feel a certain way. We start to bottle up our feelings and anything that does get expressed goes through an emotional filter.

Should I really tell her how I feel? Will he get upset? Will she think I’m weak? What if they don’t feel the same way? The questions could go on forever, each question creating a different scenario in our head of how things will turn out, which usually are far from reality because the imagination knows no boundaries.

Now I agree an emotional filter can be a good thing, being able to understand your feelings and express them in a way that helps a situation is important. Not making a decision when you are angry or emotional can save a lot of pain and heartbreak.

However being afraid to express your feelings to people you care about puts you in a corner where you feel alone. Always second guessing what you are going to say to them never allows a relationship to flow. The smallest emotional filter I have in my life, personally and professionally,  is with the people I love, because one of the key characteristics of a loving relationship is for someone to be there for you no matter what you are going through, good or bad.

I had a phase in my life where I felt that I always had to be the strong one in my relationships, as a husband, a father and a friend. But then I realized that true strength is not being afraid to admit when I was weak, to let the people I love know when I was suffering, or like my son Abdullah to simply just ask for a hug or kiss when I needed one, or when I didn’t.

Through life I have come to realize that our strength as individuals is a combination of the strength of every loving person in our lives. People come into our lives because we mean something to them and they mean something to us. You are all together to help and support each other no matter what. If someone truly loves you and you truly love them you should never have to be afraid to tell them exactly how you feel, you should never be afraid to tell them when you are feeling weak and you should never be afraid to tell them when you just need them a little closer.

How To Support People You Love

Every time we attend Friday prayers my son always places his sandals in mine. There isn’t really a reason to, there is plenty of space to place them beside mine or anywhere else for that matter. So when I asked him why he did it he simply said “So I can find mine easily”. It was touching to hear that, as a father I’m watching my kids grow up so fast, and time starts to create a natural distance between us. That distance is not a bad thing, just a result of them growing up and becoming more independent.

Think about it from one simple aspect, a child goes from you feeding her or him, to then being able to feed themselves, a natural distance is created. But when my son put his slippers inside of mine I viewed at it as sort of symbolic to the relationship I want to have with my kids. No matter how much distance comes between us, I always want to be the first place they come to when they need something. I want them to feel safe in my presence, to be able to trust me to help no matter how bad the mistake.

The thing is there is only so much you can control in life, especially when it comes to the decisions that your loves ones choose to take. You can give them advice, you can show them the mistakes you made, you can teach them what it takes to live a life of meaning, but in the end they will have to decide the path that brings their dreams to life.

Then, when they do take that path, all we can do is love and support them with all our hearts, whether we agree or not with their decisions. So when you read this my son I want you to know that no matter how hard life gets, no matter how hard you fall, no matter how lost you become, just like the way you used to put your slippers in mine to find them easily, you will always find me easily, with open arms, ready to lift you up again.

Overcoming Fear Of Commitment

During a conversation a friend who was about to get married asked “Is there anything I should do before I get married and have kids? Things won’t be the same so I want to make sure I do as much as I can now.” As we went further into the conversation he talked about all the places he wanted to visit and adventures he wanted to experience. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought his life was coming to an end.

 

To be clear he was in love with the woman he was marrying, and looked forward to the journey with her and the family he was going to build. However he seemed to have a weight on his shoulders as he thought about all the things he was going to have to give up, and the changes he would have to make.

 

So I asked him one question, “Why?”. “Why what?”  He responded. Why do you have to give up anything? Why won’t the things you give up be replaced by something better? Why won’t those changes you are so afraid of be for the better?

 

I feel when it comes to matters of commitment and responsibility the fear usually stems from people worrying about all they are going to give up, when they should be focused on everything they are going to become. If life is a constant transformation of who we are as human beings then marrying the person you love, raising a family, growing as a partner and a parent should be a transformation towards the positive right?

 

To be honest if you are in the right relationship you shouldn’t have to give up who you are, and everything you want to become. It’s simply a matter of sharing who you are, sharing what makes you happy, and sharing your dreams with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

Remember whatever changes you go through you will go through together. Then as you start to grow your family the children you bring into the world are a part of both of you. They are the result of the love you created together; they bring out the best in you and will have changed you for the better without you even knowing it. You will have changed so much, but in a funny way it will feel like you haven’t change at all, because that change will have come from the greatest power our world has ever known, the power of love.

What Is Love?

Recently I started to reflect on my marriage and of the loving marriages I have been blessed to witness. I was interested in how they came to be, not about how each couple fell in love, but how they stay in love. More importantly I thought about the things they did throughout their marriages that kept them focused on the things that matter most, each other, and their families. So here are a few common themes I noticed.

Love Is Hard Work

Long after the wedding bells had sounded, the confetti had settled, and our honeymoon memories brought to wallpapers on our iPhones, my wife and I came to realize that like anything healthy and strong, our marriage was going to require certain elements to prosper.

We promised each other that time together would be a priority, that we would put in the effort to do things together even after a hard days work, and never take each other for granted. From experience that is where most relationships have failed, when one or both partners start to feel that love is automatic, that it is a given no matter what, that regardless of how they look or act things will be as they always were.

Believe me love is not automatic, it is triggered by the way you make your partner feel every second you are beside them, and every second you are gone, so if you want love to conquer all, put in the work.

Love Is All The Little Things

If anything it is the little rituals and habits you and your partner carry out daily that truly make the difference. The kiss in the morning before you head out to work, the random text message to let them know you are thinking of them, the walks on the beach, having hot chocolate together at the end of a long day to talk about things beyond your daily lives, and my personal favorite, hugging, not because you need it, just because.

Your relationship is a product of the rituals you and your partner devote yourselves to day in and day out, they are the little “I Love You’s” behind the words. They cost nothing but little moments of time, and they pay back with a lifetime of love and happiness.

Love Is Keeping The Spark Alive

Remember that first moment you knew that you were going to spend the rest of your lives together, remember your first kiss, the first I love you, your first night together. Hold on to those moments with everything you’ve got, because like everything in this world, no marriage is perfect.

There are beautiful times, and there are hard times, but when those hard times come it is the memories of why you fell in love in the first place that allow you to get past anything life has to throw at you. By remembering what brought you together, you put to rest the fear of being apart, so even in the darkest days, your memories rekindle the flame of love.

Love is many things to many people, but here is what it is not, love is not blind, if anything with love you see your partner clearly. Love does not conquer all, you and your partner do. Love will not find a way, you and your partner will.

What I am trying to say here is nothing in life and love is a given, love can never be on autopilot. It takes two people who absolutely adore each other, who make each other a priority, who stick to little rituals, and who always remind each other of how blessed they are to be together that allow their love to prosper.

Being in love is easy, but staying in love comes to those who have embraced the work that goes into their relationship, and love every second of it. It is you who keeps the love alive, and in return allow love to bring you to life. Love strong.

The One Thing That Keeps Love Alive

Over the Eid break I was asked, “What does love mean to you?” The question had me thinking of all the moments of joy with my family, friends, and previous relationships I’ve been in. I thought back to my happiest moments, who I was with, what was happening, and what exactly was I feeling. The more I thought about it the harder it was to pin point one specific element that really kept my relationships with certain people strong.

The more we talked about our specific definitions of love the more interest I took in what the other person, someone who in fact is very dear to me, had to say. Their views made me think deeper about the topic, ask questions of myself, and taught me different aspects of love. Then it hit me; it was her words, please allow me to elaborate.

Let’s take the example of a partnership or marriage between two people; the relationship includes many different aspects, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. The physical relationship and attraction is certainly important but what really ties everything together in any relationship is the conversations that take place between you and your partner.

Think about some of your best moments, when you were most engaged, and when you felt the greatest sense of joy and meaning in a relationship. Those moments were usually with someone you could talk with openly, deeply, and freely about anything and everything that was going on in your life and the world around you. Where you wanted to listen to them just as much as you wanted to voice your own concerns and opinions, where all elements of time, your worries about the future, or regrets from the past just disappear as you become fully present in the moment and get lost in their words. It’s a beautiful thing.

Then I defined what love meant to me and it goes like this, love is listening to someone talk and never wanting him or her to stop. When a couple is excited to see each other after a long day at work just to hear how the other is doing, get their opinion on something, or just to discuss something that happened that day, you know their love is deep.

Now why do I say that their love must be deep? Well when you are excited about the conversations you have with your partner it must mean that you respect each other, it must mean you are both intellectually stimulated by each other’s views and thoughts, it must mean that you love the adventure of exploring each other’s world through their hearts and minds, and more importantly being a part of it.

I remember my friends and I visiting an elderly couple while I was studying in the United Kingdom. Their love for each other was obvious through everything they did, the way they sat next to each other, the way they ate together, the way they showed awareness of each other, but it was when one of them spoke that their love for each other would truly shine.

The way the husband would listen to his wife as she spoke to us, she had his full attention. You could tell he wasn’t just listening to her words with his ears, but he was feeling those words with his heart. It seemed that with each word he would fall a little deeper in love with her. The way the wife would laugh and smile as her husband told a joke was like every beautiful memory was coming back to life, it was as if she was remembering right there and then why she fell in love with him in the first place, and falling in love all over again.

As we go through life there is a hope that someday we will be with someone we can share that life with, the moments of joy, the moments of hardship, the adventures, the exciting days, the lazy days, and everything in between. What I have found through life and relationships is before share your hearts with each other, share your words with each other, and if those words connect you, the hearts will always follow, and the love will always last.