What If You Couldn’t Be Strong?

What if I couldn’t be strong? I’ve always wondered if that was an option for me. As a husband, father, and provider, what if life got so hard that I needed to stop. What if I failed? Nothing scares me more than having to look at my wife and children in their eyes knowing I let them down, knowing that the person they’re looking to for hope and a better life might not be able to do it.

Everyone has a point in their life when they get weak, that doesn’t mean they are weak, it just means that in that moment they need support. They need someone to help them move forward, they need someone to hold them and tell them that everything is going to be alright.

As a man nothing has helped me grow stronger in life that not being afraid to let the people I love know when I’m weak. Nothing has helped me feel more brave than knowing that I don’t have to suffer alone. Nothing has helped me smile more than knowing that it’s ok for me to cry without being judged or looked down on.

One thing I’ve learned is that no matter how strong you are there are some things in life you just can’t prepare for. There will come points in our lives when it feels like everything is going wrong. In those moments it’s the people we surround ourselves with that makes the difference.

Marriage has taught me that when you’re lost even one person standing by your side can help you find yourself again. Whether it’s your partner, your friend, or a relative it’s their love that helps heal the pain. It’s their love that reminds you that you will always find someone to help when you need it most. When you have those people hold on to them and never let them go, because with them in your life you will always have a source strength.

This post is dedicated to my wife, thank you for letting me cry when I needed to, I’m not afraid anymore.

How To Bring Your Dreams To Life

For a big part of my life I replaced the things I loved to work on with work that I thought would be accepted in society, like being a doctor or engineer. I started taking jobs that would make me feel bad but would make me look good to others. I would walk into work feeling empty and walk out feeling even worse. I had no passion for the work I was doing. I felt like I was living life on a hamster wheel, trying to move everyday but staying in the same spot.

My parents, friends, and teachers always told me I was a creative and good at telling stories. I felt awesome whenever they said that, it was my dream to tell stories. However I replaced those dreams with things that I thought would help me succeed in the “real world”. Imagine people asking me what I do for a living and me responding with “I tell stories”, people would think I was crazy, stupid, or both.

Then I did two things, I started writing and stopped listening to others. I made it a point to write everyday. I started following famous writers, their habits and rituals then incorporating them into my life. I started working as hard as I could to becoming better, which usually meant waking up before I had to go to the office, and working late into the evenings after office hours were over.

Something amazing happens when you start dedicating yourself to your passion and ignoring negative opinions of others, you grow into who you want to become. With even the smallest steps towards your dreams you start bringing them to life, you feel fulfilled, that you are doing things with passion and purpose. That is the greatest work you will ever do.

If you do anything in your life make sure it means something to you, that it’s something you can be proud of. Don’t let the voices of others silence the sound of your heart, because your heart already knows where you want to be in life. Believe that your spirit will get you there, and that your hard work will keep you going no matter what, then it’s only a matter of time.

How To Control Your Life

There’s a strong sense of comfort when we’re in control of a situation, we gain confidence in knowing what’s going to happen next. However if any of you have ever experienced failure, heartbreak, or even just a bad day you know that sometimes there’s things you just can’t control no matter how hard you try. Here are a few things we do control everyday that I think play an enormous role in shaping our lives.

How We Wake Up

How you spend the first 20 minutes when you wake up can dictate how you’ll feel for the rest of the day. If you wake up late and rush you’ll likely feel that you’re rushing the whole day, if you wake up relaxed you’ll probably feel in control and more positive about the day ahead. Try waking up a little earlier, spend time with your loves ones, go out and breathe fresh air, have breakfast, you owe these things to yourself.

How We Spend Our Time

There’s two ways to spend your day, working towards goals that fulfill you or doing things that make you feel empty. Do what you love, that’s when you’re in control of your destiny. I know this is hard as many of us take jobs we don’t enjoy because it’s necessary to provide for ourselves and our families (I still struggle with this myself sometimes), but that doesn’t mean we can’t work on a plan to transition to work that’s more meaningful to you, or build your own business. It’s hard work, but if it gives you control of your life then it’s worth it.

How We End Our Day

End your day peacefully. Turn off technology, sit and talk to your family and friends, discover new things about each other. Take time out of every evening to reflect on your day, the things you enjoyed, the mistakes you made, and more importantly how you can make tomorrow better. Life is about progress, the more you progress, the more you control.

Through these steps I feel we learn to take everything that comes with a smile and an open heart, and I feel that’s all the control we need to be happy and grateful for the life we have.

How To Stop Wanting Things

For most of my adult life I wanted to be able to buy my wife and kids anything they wanted regardless of the price. I put a lot of pressure on myself until I read a book on how to live a minimalistic lifestyle. A minimalistic lifestyle is a way of living that requires you to own less materials so you can focus on your family, health, and relationships.

A personal story I usually come back to is from a family holiday. We arrived at our destination later than planned, around 11pm. We were starving so we went out looking for a fancy restaurant to have a late night meal but with no success. On our way back to the hotel we found a little street cart that sold rice and chicken. We bought three boxes, went back to the hotel, sat on the floor and ate our food.

Although we didn’t get a fancy meal what we got was intimate time together, laughing and acting silly. There was with nobody else around, just each other and three plates of rice and chicken for five dollars each. It was perfect. I can only imagine how much of that we would’t have experienced if we were sitting in a fancy restaurant that required us to look and act a certain way. I don’t think a restaurant manager would have appreciated me doing the monster dance that makes my kids crack up.

I wonder why I used to strive so hard for nice things for my family and I when in reality what truly matters is the time we spend together with nothing but each other. Instead of accumulating luxurious items I would much rather accumulate beautiful memories and they don’t cost nothing. All it takes is a willingness to forget the “stuff” we think we need and focus on all the people that make our lives beautiful.

So next time you’re planning that expensive meal with family and friends at a fancy restaurant think to yourself, maybe we would have a much better time at home, at the beach, or in a park, where we can laugh and act silly together, where we can create moments that will become beautiful memories to look back on.

How To Make Decisions

Everyday we make decisions that are straight forward like what to have for lunch. Other decisions are a little more difficult, like to go home and nap or go workout at the gym. Then there are life changing decisions like getting married, having kids, or quitting your job.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the decisions we face in our lives. Perhaps it’s because we focus more on the fear of change, rather than the potential for transformation. We think about what we’re giving up, rather than what we’re gaining.

Here’s an example. When my wife and I were talking about having kids, we focused on how beautiful it would be to share our lives with our future children. We imagined the joy and meaning they would bring to our lives. We pictured them growing up and following their dreams.

But then we get caught up in thinking about all the costs, time, and responsibilities of having children. Picturing all the hard work of raising kids, and googling articles about how your life pretty much ends when you become a parent.

Making any decision in life starts with where you choose to focus your thinking. When you think about the decisions you’re going to face it’s important to take into account the challenges, but don’t let that overshadow the possibilities and positive change that come with making those decisions.

If it’s a new job don’t focus on the lower pay if it makes you happy and passionate about work. If it’s moving to a new country don’t just think about the comfort of your immediate surroundings, but all the adventures that await you. If it’s starting a family don’t just think about the costs and hardships, but the potential for building everlasting love in your life.

Making decisions can be easy, it’s overcoming the fear of change that’s the hard part. When you shift your mind and focus on the positive, you realize that there could be a lot more good than bad that comes from making a decision that could change your life.

How My Wife Found Strength

When we travelled to the US it was the first time my wife had lived abroad. There’s a famous saying “Being thrown in the deep end”, this means that if you are new to something you start at the hardest part, you get no practice or warm up time. She was thrown into the deepest part of the deep end, living in a new country for the first time, raising two kids, figuring out her own life and trying to help me figure out mine.

The picture you see was taken after living in the US for a year, in the background is the beach we used to visit on the Pacifica highway every Saturday. It was an about an hour drive from our home, we loved it and we couldn’t imagine ending our week without spending a few hours there.

As I took the picture I realized how much she had grown, as a person, as a mother, and as my wife. I realized how she walked differently, talked differently, acted differently because of all she had gone through. I realized how much she had done for us, and all she had given up to make us happy. She was thrown in the deep end and figured out a way to swim.

When we first got the US she had to build up the courage to go to the Starbucks 30 seconds from our house. By the time we left the US she have travelled alone cross country, she was taking 3 hour driving trips to different parts of California with friends she had made in University, she was taking classes and being an active member of the community.

Now we are back in the UAE, she has started a business, she is a full time student and she makes the lives or my children and I beautiful.

Remember that even when you’re at your weakest, when you feel lost and don’t know what’s going on, that’s when you dig down deep inside and come to realize your greatest strengths, that’s when you realize that you’re capable of doing amazing things regardless of where you are or how hard things may seem. Simply have faith in yourself, faith that you will keep going because defeat is not an option, and watch how far you come.

What Happens When You Slow Down

Imagine a movie came out that you’ve been waiting to see but you could only watch it in fast forward. The actors and scenes would be all fuzzy, you would hear nothing, and as a viewer the personal feeling of connection to the movie, the characters, and the story would simply not exist. You would have experienced nothing.

So why do people always want to fast forward their lives? It seems like every step in my journey had me trying to speed things up. When I was a kid I couldn’t wait to grow up, when I was in university I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could start “real” life, when I joined my first company I could’t wait to climb up the corporate ladder.

Even in day to day life, when I was in a restaurant I wanted the food to come out fast, when I was at the airport I couldn’t wait to board the plane, when I was on the plane I couldn’t wait to land. Whatever it was in my life I wanted to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible.

By pressing the fast forward button on our lives we never have time to see all the beautiful things that exist around us. We talk about finding our calling in life, or falling in love with the person of our dreams, but how are we supposed to do anything or find anyone meaningful if we are constantly speeding through our days and wondering what’s next.

All we ever have for sure is the moment we are living in right now, so make it count. Love the work you are doing instead of thinking about how fast you can get that promotion and corner office, enjoy the surroundings of the restaurant you are in and the people you are eating with, take that time on the plane to meditate and just think about how amazing your life is (you’re flying!).

What I’ve found is that when you slow life down and really appreciate the good things in your life better things seem to follow, maybe it’s because you’re not running through your day anymore and ignoring them, maybe it’s because now you’re giving them a chance to come into your life.

Defining the Emirati Millennial

Millennials or Generation Y are a subset of a population who were born between the early 1980’s and the early 2000’s. In the west the word millennial is probably the most used term in media today, whether you are trying to attract more business, climb the political ranks, or build new audiences, millennials seem to be the ‘it’ group that is going to make you or break you.

Given that in countries such as the United States millennials are now the largest and most diverse generation, understanding their interests, goals, and aspirations only makes sense. For any country it is critical to understand the generation that are going to influence public opinion and develop new trends, so I asked the question, why are millennials the least talked about generation in the Arabian Gulf?

Technically a millennial can be anywhere between 15 and 35, so I want to focus somewhere in the middle, between 20 and 30. To be clear it’s not a matter of them being left out of the discussion intentionally, but a matter of them being overlooked. It seems like there is a regional focus on an older generation that holds a lot of influence economically, socially, and politically, which jumps all the way to the second focus on a younger generation still in high school planning their next awesome weekend, skipping over everyone in between.

The low level of interest surprises me. We are talking about an age group that should be the driving force behind the economy, the doorway to new ways of thinking and innovation, a tidal wave of creativity ready to unleash its energy across the region. I think the reason for the low volume on our generation is due to the amount of amazing social policies in place that keep us well looked after.

However understanding the Emirati millennial is critical because today they are the powerhouses that will drive the various national strategies set in place by our wise leadership forward. How do we connect culturally to our recent history? What motivates us to work hard? What makes us happy? What influences us? All these elements play a role in shaping a culture that allows millennials to thrive and add absolute value to their country and its people.

Let’s start with an environment you will find most 20 to 30 year olds, work. There has been a huge diversification shift in the UAE since the days the oil companies were the primary means for employment. Today you have sectors such as media, technology, aerospace, and education all staking their claims to lead the UAE into the future. Furthermore, with all these different industries fighting for strong Emiratization numbers every able and willing Emirati is literally just an application form away from taking part in that journey.

What I have felt the issue is from the many discussions I had had with millennials across the UAE is not a matter of where we work, but how we work and I think the fact that the Arab World missed the industrial era hasn’t done us any favors in this regards. Electronic card scanners, sitting in cubicles for hours on end and doing process driven work seems to build a wall around a hyperconnected, energetic youth unable to unleash their creative talents and leave their individual marks.

An openness to creativity and change is still a struggle, work from home or flexible working hours is nearly unheard of, and strong hierarchies stifle career paths which are unable to keep up with the faster pace of growth within the millennial generation. Sure we have a high degree of stability in our jobs which given the economic climate around the world is a blessing, but since companies are in a good position to experiment, to make mistakes and to make the changes that will inspire and motivate the shifting mentalities and lifestyles in the UAE today, there is no better time than now.

The second environment that’s important to touch on is the cultural environment that millennials connect with. This is by far the strongest environment that in many ways hasn’t changed since the days of our ancestors. When you think about how we dress, how we greet each other, how we eat within our homes, you could argue that in those specific regards things haven’t changed at all.

Beautiful desert nights during the UAE’s winter season gives us all a chance to relive the long evenings filled with discussions, stories, and laughter just as our ancestors used to do. The culture of falcon hunting, poetry, and camel racing is still very much alive and viewed by many millennials as strong sources of pride, kind of like a shout out to the world about how we still hold on to the things that defined our forefathers.

When I define elements of culture such as clothes, food, or falcons, I like to think of these as visual cultural references, things that are out in the open for all to see. What I believe is changing culturally in the UAE is the interactive elements, such as how we communicate and how we engage with each other. Social media has played an incredible role in breaking down social barriers, and providing anyone and everyone with a platform to voice their opinion.

For better or worse many have opted to use those various platforms, from my perspective as a strong social media user I think promoting different opinions and debate is an important process in developing a stronger and more unified people, where everyone feels respected and heard. Prior to social media it was near impossible for anyone’s voice to be heard unless you had a role in the media or a position of influence. Hence, culturally I feel that millennials of the UAE feel more empowered to bring forth their thoughts and ideas that can build on the strategies set forth by the leadership.

Nothing proved this more than when the Minister of Interior launched the “Insta-Meylas” hashtag initiative on their Instagram account which was inspired by the more connected and engaged lifestyle of the Emirati community. The ministries were obviously paying attention and joined millennials and youth in their territory, social media and in this specific case, Instagram. In all honesty, I feel there is no better way for them to create an interactive environment and use feedback from the community to develop policies that build on our needs. The reality is that even though all these discussions happen on our smartphones and computers, it is a significant part of where we live and work today.

Another important environment that defines millennials is that of influence, more specifically on ‘who’ and ‘what’ influences our generation. The one thing that has been carried forward from past generations is the impact the country’s leadership has on the hearts and minds of our people. Millennials are still very much connected to and influenced by the actions, words, habits and even fashion sense of our leaders, and I expect that to continue.

What has changed in the sphere of influence is that of the direct day-to-day figures that influence our lives. I remember just graduating university and starting at my first job, I wanted nothing more than to be one of the well known high flying business and government figures that have enjoyed success within our country. These figures played a big role in shaping how we all saw our futures, and also formed our definition of success.

Then technology came into the picture again. Social media played an incredible role in leveling the playing field of influence and shifting the direction from traditional business and community leaders, to leaders of thought, journalism, and entertainment who type away shaping thoughts and narratives 140 characters at a time. You simply have to think about it this way, does a traditional well payed executive or public official known in the community influence people as much as the 26 year old with and iPhone and half a million followers on Instagram?

With that newfound influence UAE millennials are now playing a critical role in shaping a sense of accountability within their country, and making their voices count. They understand the strategies set in place by the leadership to make the UAE one of the greatest, most forward thinking, countries in the world and will have a hard time accepting anything that holds back or slows down that progress.

I strongly believe that is what our leadership wants, an engaged and dynamic generation that helps shape social and economic policy. One need look no further that their Highnesses Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum and Sheikh Mohammed Bin Zayed Al Nahyan, both have found remarkable ways to harness the energy and voices of that generation through technology and social media to have a positive impact on the UAE we live in today, and the UAE we will live in tomorrow.

The final environment I want to talk about is the economic environment that UAE millennials will experience. I believe this is going to be the most important because the shift and the changes we will go through economically will completely change our lives, similar to how our forefathers lives completely changed after the discovery of oil.

When oil was discovered it laid the ground for the socio-economic policies that UAE Nationals have now grown accustomed to. Everything was taken care of, everything was paid for, education, employment, housing, healthcare, subsidies on fuel and staples, infrastructure, utilities, you name it, and it cost the Emirati people nothing. Our government asked for nothing in return except our well being and a responsibility to take advantage of those opportunities to better ourselves and our country.

The economic policy in the UAE took a strong top down approach, the wealth was created at the government level and shared amongst the population. Today with shifting policies the millennials will be the first to experience a bottom up approach where the population will be expected to support the government with their various National initiatives.

This year alone the country has removed fuel subsidies for the first time, the Ministry of Economy has announced that they will be introducing value-added tax and corporate taxes, and the pension fund has reported that a specialized committee will be reviewing pension fund amendments of citizens that could see it increase from its current rate of 5 per cent to anywhere up to 15 percent.

These are all significant changes, but changes many welcome as it builds the foundation for a self-sustaining economy and a more aware and resourceful population. It is also creates an ideology amongst the broader population to have a more vested interest and role in the day to day development of the country, an ideology that is very much present amongst UAE millennials.

I feel that is a big part of why the UAE decided the time was right to make these economic changes, sure the oil prices are low, and a growing population requires more resources, but the mindset of the people has to be right to undertake these new costs and responsibilities. In that sense the timing was perfect, the economic transitions have gone smoother than anyone could imagine, and I don’t expect that to change.

The UAE has always been described as a country that has been through dramatic change throughout history, from a land filled with nothing but desert, to a land of prosperity and opportunity. UAE millennials are making sure that things don’t slow down, they are a more engaged, connected, and passionate generation that I believe the UAE has ever seen.

If I have to describe their ambitions in one word it would be “Impact”, they want to make their presence felt, they want to do things that will impact their country for generations to come. When I think of it that’s the same feeling our forefathers had about us, and look at the country they created, I guess it’s safe to say that with UAE millennials leading a new wave of development, we have a lot to look forward to.

*This column was originally published in Shawati Magazine.

How To Find Happiness In The Happiness Of Others

I remember there was a show on the streets of San Francisco, my son Khalifa walking beside me couldn’t see past all the people who had formed lines around the show, but he could hear the music.

He asked me to put him on my shoulders so he could take a look. As we got closer I could only see the backs of the people in front of me, but Khalifa could see everything, the dancing, the actions, and the stunts they were performing. He laughed, clapped, and kept telling me to look. I could still see nothing, so I just kept laughing and clapping along with him.

It’s funny how we grow up wanting to see the world and try everything in the hopes that with each experience we become happier, that our lives will become richer. As time has passed in my life I have come to learn that my world, what makes my life special, has come down to a few people in my life that I can bring joy to.

We all deal with hardships in our lives, we’ve all had our heart broken at one point or the other, life isn’t easy, but one thing I know for sure is bringing happiness into someone else’s life is the greatest power you can have in this world, and the greatest power to help whatever it is you are going through.

It reminds you that your true purpose in life is to love, to love with all your heart, to love the work you do, to love the life you have been given, and to love the people who bring joy to your life.

When you look back on your life the memories that will mean the most aren’t when you were smiling at something, but when someone was smiling at you because you made their moment better, because you gave them your love.

I’m glad to say that the only memory I have of that day is the happiness Khalifa experienced, but that is the only memory I need, the only memory I could ever ask for, and I’m a better man today because of it.

How To Feel Special

I remember when we took our first family photograph for Eid, we wanted it to be perfect, something we could look back on with wonderful memories and share with our loved ones. We were really happy with how the picture turned out, what we weren’t happy about was what we had to go through to get that picture.

I think we had to take the picture ten times until we got the perfect shot. We got agitated every time it didn’t look right, we got upset when the kids kept moving and we were constantly telling them to sit still and behave. We were forcing our smiles. The happiness we were projecting on that picture two years ago was the complete opposite of how we felt.

That day I learned that looking good means nothing if we don’t feel good about ourselves and each other. So this picture represents all the changes we’ve made as a family, how we have grown to feel comfortable with each other, how people see us, and not to put any unnecessary pressure on ourselves. We have learned to live free, to be present and enjoy the moments we have together, and to be our natural selves because that is when we feel most beautiful.

When special occasions come along like Eid what is important is that it starts with each of us feeling special, then letting things flow naturally. What we have found is that when we can simply be happy with everything we are the special moments come to us, the joy of life finds us and even if a million pictures can’t capture those moments it doesn’t matter because we felt them, and that’s what truly counts.